Ma!? The meatloaf! MAAAAAAAAA!?!?

Hey. I’m Chris and I’m the other Phoenix serial killer. No, the one that hasn’t been caught yet. Yah.

So I don’t think that senselessly (yet, efficiently, if I may add) killing people was contributing to society. So instead of committing my ninth and subsequent murders, I’m writing in this blog. It’s sort of like killing people, except less blood.

As you get used to me and my writing, you’ll notice that I like to be narrow in my entries, and that I am not afraid to extend an issue over three or four updates. I do this so that my points don’t get too diluted. Many columns bite off more than they can chew, like this one I saw the other day:

Iraq is an evil ploy for oil.

Bush is a stupid, dangerous man that will start WWIII.

Red peppers are much sweeter than green ones.

Barbara Streisand was never worth the hype.

Star Jones must have had lipo, and she deserved to be fired.


Seriously. Chicago Tribune, July 23, page C6, bottom fold on the right.

Another thing I won’t do is get personal. Writing “Bush is an a**hole” doesn’t mean, solve, or settle anything (even if he is).

Lastly, I won’t be arrogant in my arguments. Bill O’Reilly, Ann Coulter, and Michael Moore use the “because I’m right, dammit!” method of persuasion. I won’t. It’s retarded.

I challenge all to follow these guidelines, and we can really cover much more ground if we do.

If I break a rule, call me on it, I’ll listen, or read, or type, or rype, or byke, or dyke. Actually, I won’t dyke, but any of the others I’ll gladly do.

I plan to lighten things up, too. Back in middle school, Ben, Dan McGrath, Blaise and I founded the comedy magazine “The Daily Satire”. It came out bi-weekly and after four issues, we lost interest.

I like to satirize the news, à la (but not nearly as well as) The Daily Show or The Onion, so I’ll throw that in there. Or if I stumble across something really wicked sweet (like a blue and purple carrot) on the internet, I’ll post it. Why not?

Other than that, it’s up to you, we’ll see where this goes, where it gets taken.

Keep it real
(I still have no idea what that means),

Chris